Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Suck It Myans!

Well, the countdown begins. On December 21, 2012, the Myan calendar runs out and the end of the world predictions are supposed to come true. Am I feeling helpless? No, not at all because I took matters into my own hands.
I went for a walk the other day and was looking at the sun. It seemed to be burning the same as it has every other day before.  I can’t help but think that if it was going to explode a month from today that it would be pulsing or flaring or burning blue or something odd like that.
Maybe the poles will shift, earthquakes, floods causing mass extinction! Maybe it will just be a scathing rash and an itch you just can’t quite scratch.
I find it hard to believe that the Myan’s had some insight to the end and simply decided to stop making calendars. I can just imagine how it went, “Dude, don’t waste your time making a calendar after December 21, 2012, no one is going to be here to use it, right?”
Today, I wanted to ensure the survival of the human race so I went to the store and bought a 2013 calendar. So Suck It Myans, crisis averted!

I believe it was one of my more brilliant moves.

It was much easier and less expensive than digging a shelter in the back yard and stocking it with canned goods in an effort to survive this apocalypse. First of all, I didn’t want to go to the expense of buying boxes and boxes of canned meat that tastes like a salt block anyways. If I ate that junk I’d be retaining fluid until 2045!
If there is some catastrophe that I’m just to stupid to plan for, I can just imagine walking thru the pearly gates and having some cocky Myan calendar maker standing there with attitude saying, “I told you so!”
So I am sending an invitation to all the Myans out there. If you would like to exist after 12/21/12, please respond to this blog with your address and I will gladly send you a 2013 calendar.  It’s the least I can do to save the world.
See y’all in 2013!

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